Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
