from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
