no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
