The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
