Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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