can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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