Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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