She is in my trunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
