I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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