I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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