There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dear god my vagina.
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