i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
