I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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