We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
