yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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