Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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