I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
