He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
