so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
