I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was so not down for the gang bang
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
