First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
