I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
