I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
