her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
