Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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