fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
