All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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