she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
