My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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