my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
