Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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