I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
