we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
