it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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