We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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