you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
