Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
