Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
