watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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