we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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