no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
