I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
