I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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