We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
