Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
