dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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