Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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