Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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