I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
