i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
