it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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