I heard we made out
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
