I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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