Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
