Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And then he peed in my hair
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