perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
