He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
