All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
