i wish starbucks made bloody marys
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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