Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
