I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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