Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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