I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
