The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
