i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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