She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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