Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
