We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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