so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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