I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
