Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
